Before Everything

Do you ever wonder what it’s like to be a doctor?

We all know there is significant competition getting into the medical program and a lot of competition during the course itself. What happens when we graduate? We apply for work. We choose our specialties and we wait. We wait for a time when our luck turns and we get the rotations we want as interns and as residents. We wait for our exams and once we pass them we wait for a consultant job. What happens when all that hard work and waiting makes you feel like you’re not quite living up to your potential and at times feels futile. What happens when you’ve worked so hard for something but realise it’s not allowing you to live your life and be flexible. What happens when you begin to wonder whether all these sacrifices are worth it and that despite achieving your outcome, you’re still not fulfilled.

What happens? You start writing a blog.

My story is simple. I love medicine and I want to make a difference. I love it so much that I have tried hard over the last few years to be accepted into the physicians college in paediatrics and to work at elite hospitals in my state. I have been able to achieve all these things over a period of 4 years. Now that I’m here, I find myself constantly looking back to the person I was and the person I am now.

I want to do so much with myself and this process makes me feel as though I’m missing out. I am constantly doing night duties, evening duties and unable to be flexible with my holidays. I find myself disappointing the people around me because I can’t be there for them and I also feel down because I can’t share those times with them too. I want to be more than a specialist and be a generalist where I have the resources to do everything and not limit myself from learning whatever there is to learn in medicine. I also want to feel like I am a reliable health service with the autonomy to give people what they need.

I have a fear about what people think of me. I know they respected me. I just know I have such great potential and at times I feel as though being great means you need to work on the little things and do them well. For me this is taking a step back and realising that despite being in one training program, I now need to apply for General Practice.

This is my story of going through this process and the emotions and challenges I face along the way. I never know if what I am doing is right but the most important thing is I’m doing it and not afraid to see how it unfolds.

I’m 28, recently married and happy to do what I need to for my life to be as fulfilling as possible. At the end of the day I want to be proud of what I have accomplished and know that I am still there for my family and beautiful wife. I hope you can come for the ride.

I just sat my entrance exam and interview and am awaiting a nation wide ranking score in just under a month. This will determine whether I get first dibs on the training provider of my choosing. Wish me luck. I don’t have a plan B.

 

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